Friendly, Neighbourhood Spiderman...

Among the super heroes, my Favourite hero is Spiderman.
It might be because he is the only one who does not wear his underwear over his pants... or due to the effect of Spiderman comics which I used to read in my childhood days. But, I used to read Superman comics also. However, I was more attracted towards Spiderman and in my childhood days I always wanted to be a Spiderman. I know many children who wanted the same thing. Those days I was so innocent that I did'nt realize the problems of being Spiderman.

According to the story, Peter Parker became spiderman by the bite of a spider. But Spider spins its web through another part of his body. But the Spiderman spins his web through his wrist!!!!! How come!!!! So, If I managed to get a bite from such a spider, what is the guarantee that it will be the same with me?? If the web mechanism got fixed in the same position like a spider, how will I travel like spiderman??? I'm not that good in aiming with my ass!!!! (I practice it every morning.) Leave that, even if your face is covered by a mask, how humiliating it will be to appear infront people supported by a web from the ass!!!
Even if I managed to improve my aiming skills and I became shameless to appear infront of people like that, how will I travel so fast in India?? We dont have such tall buildings in all the places. Also I will be electricuted by the electric lines if I tried to swing across the street from the small buildings....
The various banners tied across the streets will be another problem. If I tear down the banner of any political party, they may declare a "Bandh" or "Harthaal" against me. So the safest method is going by bus or auto. You people will be wondering, Why Bus or Auto??? Why not a Spider Bike or Spider Car like Batman???. The reason is, if I used it, the enemies will note the number and will catch me when I'm sleeping in my room. If I decided to remove the Number plate to hide my identity, Traffic police will catch me.... So I prefer Auto or Bus.

Another problem is with the Spider suit. I dont want the type of suit which Peter parker wears. It has many drawbacks. First of all, it is too tight, covers all over the body without any ventilation but even after wearing it, you looks naked!!
Next issue is that there are no openings in that suit. Not even for pissing. What if your fight against evil went for extra time???

Now, the last and most dangerous issue. What will happen if some one sprayed some HIT or MORTEIN on me??

Thinking all these, I've decided. I don't want to be a Spiderman.

Recently, I met another die hard fan of Spiderman. Its the 4 year old nephew of my friend. He is so dedicated in his aim and he runs after every spider he sees to make it bite him and become Spiderman. When I visited his place, my friend asked me to frame some story to stop this dangerous addiction. I tried to explain him the drawbacks but nothing worked. Later, we convinced him that it is not an Ordinary spider and that type of spider is found only in Usbakisthan. He believed it and is waiting to get a Job so that he can earn money to go to Usbakisthan in search of that spider.